escape one last time
by thepsychofreak
Summary: one shot set in the last page of eclipse in Jacob's POV.


There was a piece of the thick ivory paper folded in half with my name handwritten in black ink on the back. I didn't recognize the handwriting, but it was as fancy as the rest of it. For half a second, I wondered if the bloodsucker was into gloating.

I flipped it open.

Jacob,

I'm breaking the rules by sending you this. She was afraid of hurting you, and she didn't want to make you feel obligated in any way. But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice.

I promise I will take care of her, Jacob. Thank you — for her — for everything.

Edward

'_She was afraid of hurting you.' _

_As if she hadn't hurt me enough by choosing to become one of them. She would change and I would never get to see the Bella I knew ever again._

_I'll never see her fall over herself as she clutched her chest like she was going to break; I'll never see her eyes twinkle at the thought of racing through the clearing with her bike; I'll never get to be near her without having to pinch my nose; and I'll never get to talk to her again, to be alone with my best friend, as we drank warm soda and we'd laugh at our arguments over who gets to be older. He would be tailing her wherever she went, never leaving her side or straying too far._

'_If things had gone the_ _other way, I would have wanted the choice.'_

_Ha, like that would ever happen. He just had to come back when Bella was starting to heal. He just had to take her away from me, when she could have been better off. The worst part of it is that it was all MY fault. Had I been with Bella instead of going after the red-head leech, she never would have jumped off the cliff, and the bloodsucker's sister would not have come back to take her to wherever HE was._

_It was my fault, this pain burning through my eyes._

_I had turn things around to his advantage by focusing too much on my first goal: Bella's security. I had left her alone, when I could have just spent more time with her to help her get through her heartbreak._

_How stupid of me. All along we knew she was the target, and yet I handed her over her to my grumpy old father._

"Jake, we only have the one table," Billy said. He was staring at my left hand.

My fingers were clamped down on the wood hard enough that it really was in danger. I loosened them one by one, concentrating on that action alone, and then clenched my hands together so I couldn't break anything.

"Yeah, doesn't matter anyway," Billy muttered.

I got up from the table, shrugging out of my t-shirt as I stood. Hopefully Leah had gone home by now.

"Not too late," Billy mumbled as I punched the front door out of my way.

_In the end I had fulfilled my promises, hadn't I?_

_I kept her safe.  
__I made her happy.  
I didn't let her down._

_And that was it. It didn't matter anymore if I was hurting._

_She was happy with him. _

_Even for a short while, Bella had been happy with me. But apparently, she wasn't as happy as she was with him. Even though I could feel the love, I couldn't be enough for her. I couldn't be him. I could never be Edward, the love of her life._

_I was just Jacob._

I was running before I hit the trees, my clothes strewn out behind me like a trail of crumbs — as if I wanted to find my way back. It was almost too easy now to phase. I didn't have to think. My body already knew where I was going and, before I asked it to, it gave me what I wanted.

I had four legs now, and I was flying.

The trees blurred into a sea of black flowing around me. My muscles bunched and released in an effortless rhythm. I could run like this for days and I would not be tired. Maybe, this time, I wouldn't stop.

_I could go on like this for all eternity. Nothing mattered anymore. I was losing her. _

_Idiot. You already lost her—to Edward_

_But I'm losing HER—Bella, my best friend, the only person who mattered to me._

_I picture them in his car, there was so much intensity in the way she looked at him, the slow movement of his neck extending and leaning towards her, and then their lips pressed against each other._

_Then he smiled. As his lips curved, his perfect set of teeth glowed in the darkness. And safely tucked away, his fangs itched with glee._

_I'd rather stray in the wilderness than have to face her blood thirsty eyes; those same orbs that once were devoid of life until I took her under my care. I'd rather not see her pale and cold and dead; I would much prefer to remember her as the clumsy beautiful girl who went red every time we came too close to each other. _

_It was one thing that she chose to be with Edward.  
It was another thing that she wanted to stay with him forever.  
_

_It was too much for me to handle._

_So sorry, _Embry whispered in my head.

I could see through his eyes. He was far away, to the north, but he had wheeled around and was racing to join me. I growled and pushed myself faster.

_Wait for us,_Quil complained. He was closer, just starting out from the village.

_Leave me alone,_I snarled.

I could feel their worry in my head, try hard as I might to drown it in the sound of the wind and the

forest. This was what I hated most — seeing myself through their eyes, worse now that their eyes were full of pity. They saw the hate, but they kept running after me.

A new voice sounded in my head.

_Let him go. _Sam's thought was soft, but still an order. Embry and Quil slowed to a walk.

If only I could stop hearing, stop seeing what they saw. My head was so crowded, but the only way to be alone again was to be human, and I couldn't stand the pain.

_Phase back,_Sam directed them._I'll pick you up, Embry._

First one, then another awareness faded into silence. Only Sam was left.

_Thank you,_I managed to think.

_Come home when you can. _The words were faint, trailing off into blank emptiness as he left, too. And I was alone.

So much better. Now I could hear the faint rustle of the matted leaves beneath my toenails, the whisper of an owl's wings above me, the ocean — far, far in the west — moaning against the beach. Hear this, and nothing more. Feel nothing but speed, nothing but the pull of muscle, sinew, and bone, working together in harmony as the miles disappeared behind me.

If the silence in my head lasted, I would never go back. I wouldn't be the first one to choose this form over the other. Maybe, if I ran far enough away, I would never have to hear again. . . .

I pushed my legs faster, letting Jacob Black disappear behind me.


End file.
